This weeks Torah portion Chayei Sarah talks about how Isaac marries Rebecca; and how Eliezer, Abraham’s most trusted servant and head of his house, found Rebecca and chose her for Isaac.
It says Eliezer was not interested in a wealthy girl for Isaac. He wanted someone that would go draw her own water and not have her servants do it for her. (An independent woman who was not spoiled. No J.A.P.’s 😉)
It says that Eliezer would not even be impressed with miracles, just the character of the girl.
Eliezer leaves for his travels and prays to Hashem for a sign. He says the first woman whom he asks to drink from their water, and she goes above and beyond with kindness and not only gives water to him but also to his camels, then he will know that she will is right one.
It says so swift was the Divine response to his prayer, that as he was praying, Divine Providence caused Rebecca to leave her house and go out to the well.
*This teaches us that Hashem can make miracles happen in an instant. He is not bound by time or space so if he wants a miracle to happen, it can happen that second.
Back at the well, there were many women, and many of them engaging in chatter and gossip. But Rebecca was not interested in that and quickly got her water and was on her way. As she was leaving she was approached by Eliezer who asked for a little water from her jug. She gave him a drink and said “I will draw water even for your camels until they have finished drinking.” He had 10 camels - do you know how much water 10 camels drink? 140 gallons of water! So Rebecca kept running to and from the well to fill their trough which was a very strenuous task and much physical exertion.
*Even when Hashem performs miracles, we are always required to do our own effort, some sort of physical action to create a vessel to hold the miracle. Hashem creates miracles all day long, whether we see it materialize or not depends on whether or not we have put in our physical work to draw down that miracle.
At this point Eliezer knew his prayers were answered. The sign was overwhelming from Hashem and he was blown away by Rebecca's generous acts for a mere stranger.
Before even asking who Rebecca was, what family she was from, or how much money she had, Eliezer offered her this marriage proposal in the form of lavish gifts such as a ring, bracelets and money in good faith. Rebecca of course offered to provide lodging and food for Eliezer and his 10 camels because she was extremely generous, and that evening Eliezer went to ask her family for consent for marriage.
What Makes a Matriarch
Fast forwarding, Rebecca goes to Isaac’s home and they get married. In a Disney movie, that would be the happy ending. The end. But for a biblical relationship, this was just the beginning.
It was very important that Isaac’s wife be a fitting successor to his mother Sarah (who passes earlier in this weeks Torah portion) and continue her legacy to be the next Matriarch of the Jewish people. When Isaac brought Rebecca to his mother’s tent the three miracles of Sarah’s tent returned. He knew then that he loved her.
The three miracles were:
The Shabbat candles remained lit from one Friday to the next; the dough was blessed, fresh and always sufficed for the family and guests; and a Divine cloud “was attached” to the tent.
When Rebecca entered the tent and the miracles returned, it was clear she was a fitting successor and that Rebecca embodied Sarah’s spiritual qualities of spreading light and Torah (candles), providing nourishment to her household and those around her (challah dough), and that she was holy and righteous (divine cloud).
They say that holiness of Sarah’s life was like that of the Temple itself, and that Rebecca echoed her in every way. In fact when faced with the task of building a home for Hashem in this world (the Temple) it was Sarah’s home that was used as a blueprint.
Love in Torah Relationships
After Isaac and Rebecca got married, and after Rebecca enters the tent, it says it was then that Isaac loved her. The Torah’s mention of love here is noteworthy because it shows that Isaac’s love for Rebecca came after she became his wife. This reflects a different perspective on love than modern romantic ideals—it emphasizes love that grows through commitment, shared values, shared goals, and mutual respect. This couple is known for their love for each other. In fact, Isaac was the only Patriarch who only had one wife throughout his entire life!
This week we learn a lot about what the Torah expects from its Jewish women, especially its Jewish mothers and wives and what is truly important.
A few things to ask ourselves and reflect on this week:
When we think of who we surround ourselves with ....
Is it their characteristics that impress us? Like immense kindness and generosity that Rebecca had, or do we waste our time with chatter and gossip like the other women at the well? Or do we first look to the family or wealth and make judgements before getting to know the persons character? (It actually says Rebecca’s father was wicked her family did very little Torah and mitzvot). Imagine if Eliezer had looked only at that and written off Rebecca.
When we think of our relationship or marriage...
Do we think of marriage as the “happy ending” or just the beginning? Are we putting our efforts and expectations into a fairytale or a daily commitment to growth, respect, vision and building something special for our future generations that will keep our love going?
When we think of our homes....
Do we think about a new couch we want or something we want to change? Or do we think about how our homes are like mini temples. Sanctuaries for Hashem to dwell in, where light and Torah are being spread, a welcoming home for family and guests with fresh food, and conversations of holiness and meaning.
I will finish with a quote from a great movie I finally watched the other night, Gladiator. Russel Crow says...
"What we do in life echoes in eternity!"
The stories of our Matriarchs lives were so meaningful and inspirational and had such an impact for the future generations that to this day the lessons are relevant.
I hope that we take these lessons from our Matriarchs with us every day and let them make our days more meaningful so that the effect continues to echo in eternity! Amen!
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